i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
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