he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
Randomize
