from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
Randomize
