How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
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