I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize