I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
