I can't watch pbs sober anymore
So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
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