Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
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