I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
Church boner. Awkwardddd
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize
