you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
Randomize
