Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
Randomize
