like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
