Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
Randomize
