i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
Randomize
