she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
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