I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
Someone shit on the floor
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
Randomize