Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
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