A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
Randomize
