I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
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