how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
Randomize
