I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
