New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
Randomize
