i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
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