You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Randomize
