I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
Randomize
