She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
a search helicopter?!
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
Randomize
