please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
