My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
Randomize
