So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize
