Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
someone owes me an orgasm
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
