Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
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