I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
