You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
Randomize
