This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
Just cropdusted the office
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
I'm getting married
To pizza
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
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