it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
God, you're like boner-b-gone
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
