Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
