dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
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