Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
Swine flu is the new snow day.
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
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