She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
Randomize