i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
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