Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
Randomize
