I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
Randomize
