he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
Randomize
