Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Randomize
