$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
Randomize
