Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
I deserve this hangover.
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
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