I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
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