Well I thought I'd be nice but yeah I'm not a fan of you either you're an arrogant stupid cocky unfunny loser. Don't talk to me you're crazy
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
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