Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
Randomize
