Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
Randomize
