I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
Randomize
