the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
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