Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
Randomize
