there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
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