Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
3pm strippers are depressing
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize
