I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
Randomize
