You can't motorboat a personality
Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
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