Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
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