i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
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