I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
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