I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
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