I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
Randomize
