ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
Randomize
