So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
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