So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
Randomize
