Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
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