you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize
