i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
