My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
Randomize
