I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
Randomize
