She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
