Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
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