Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
Randomize
