why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
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