Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
only you would photoshop your dick
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Randomize
