Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
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