Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
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