I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
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