it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
