Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
Randomize
