Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
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