ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
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