Good luck man
I dont need it. Shes easy.
So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
Randomize
