no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
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