ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
