i wish semen tasted like chocolate
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
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