you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
Randomize
