grandma shit on top of the toilet
Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
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