And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
