Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
They took my balls.
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
Randomize
